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I don't feel beautiful...

I don't feel smart...

I don't feel good enough...

As you all know, we have LOTS of feelings. When I was in college, I remember having a boyfriend tell me that he didn't FEEL in love with me anymore. I remember being absolutely devastated. I wondered for months what I did wrong. Was I not good enough? Pretty enough? Fun enough? As time passed, I started to realize that many people make decisions based only off of their feelings. I started to question my own feelings. Did my feelings of inadequacy really mean that I was inadequate? Did my feelings of not being skinny enough really mean I was fat? I finally made the realization that not all my feelings are accurate of reality. Our feelings change each and every day. One day I feel confident and the next day I feel completely insecure.

After college, I decided that I wanted to marry a man who loved me no matter what day to day feelings he had. When I met my husband, I was so relieved to know that we were on the same page. We believed that marriage was a commitment and that love was a choice. I can honestly say that I did not feel in love with Jaber the day we got engaged. I loved who he was and what he stood for, but I didn't know him long enough to develop those strong of feelings. I wasn't worried one bit though because I knew that he was the man God had chosen for me. I knew that we were committed and that we could work through anything that came our way. As time went on, my feelings for Jaber grew. The more time we spent together, the more we learned how to love each other. My feelings came AFTER we made our commitment.

Now that we have been together for over 2 years, I can honestly say that I am so glad that I married my husband. He is a loving, committed, and loyal husband. We love each other no matter what we feel. Both Jaber and I have our days when we don't FEEL in love. We are human beings with feelings that fluctuate. My favorite thing about our marriage is that we started off our marriage by choice...not feelings. We didn't feel in love in the beginning so everything we did was based on a choice to love one another. Now that we are married, we have learned to love each other on the days we feel madly in love AND on the days that we don't.

We live in a society where we give up as soon as things feel hard. I met a woman once who said that she thought she made a mistake in who she married. I asked her why she thought that and she said "because I don't feel in love with him anymore." I shared with her that if she bases her relationships off of feelings then most of her relationships will likely fail. If she moved on to another man...most likely that relationship would get old and the feelings she had would fade once again. The best relationships come when you persevere despite what you feel. I think back to my relationship with my parents. Things didn't always feel good in the hard moments, but through hard work and perseverance it is now one of my greatest relationships. Most good things in life have trials. Stay strong, fight for your relationships, and don't let feelings dictate how you act. Love your spouse no matter what you feel. You might be surprised at what feelings come when you choose to love them no matter what you feel...

I am more in love with Jaber today because of his commitment and fight for me. He loves me on the good days and the hard days. I am thankful that I don't feel the pressure to act like I feel things when I don't. I try not to let me feelings get me down because I know that they next day I will probably feel differently. I now choose to do what I know is right and leave my feelings to God :)Fight for your relationships and don't let your feelings keep you from doing what is right.

ADVICE FOR SINGLES: Don't marry someone just because you feel in love. Marry someone you KNOW is right for you based on the things that are important to you. Once you get married...feelings will come and go. Their character is what will be left. Marry a person who has integrity and knows what commitment truly is.

AND yes I can admit that I am deeply and madly in love with my husband EVEN though I don't always feel it :)

Love to Love,Christie

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